Once again it has been awhile, I don't know why I don't write on here more often maybe it is perhaps I am afaid of being judged, but in all honesty I am not caring about that any more. I need to get my feelings out. In so many ways I am so blessed and I remind myself of these things everyday. I have a wonderful husband, and great family, good friends, a job, and above all an AMAZING GOD.
BUT
I struggle still on a daily basis with losing my baby, yes it has been over a year, yes I was early in pregnancy, but until you have been there don't judge. You don't know the pain the heartache. My heart breaks for everyone out there who has suffered a loss the pain is almost unbearable, how anyone could do it with out God is unknown to me.
Today started out great, wonderful morning with my husband, then I went with my MIL to ho.bby l.obby and I guess I saw one too many pregnant people there. It comes in waves I will be doing so good and then have a bad day and well today my emotions were everywhere. What most people don't understand is I am so happy for every pregnant person I know and everyone I see, truly happy to the depth of my core, but I want it too!! is that so much to ask for? I know God has a perfect timing and I feel that timing is close and I strongly dislike me being so envious of all the bumps I see. So ball all that up and you get a load of fun. I can't wait to have a little Wyatt or Paisley but I am waiting on you Lord, your perfect timing, please make it soon....
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