Pacifier.... O how I loath you

So it has been a long time since I wrote, but I decided to try to do more frequent updates, to help me remember what is going on with these two crazy lovely kiddos that I have.

My oldest, my daughter is two, well really almost three. Wow I can't believe how fast time flies. A while ago we had taken her pacifier, which is known as pie at our house, away except at night time. Well then about two weeks ago we decided to bite the bullet and take it completely away. Overall I would say she is doing well, however our once easy to put to sleep child now has an at least 30 minute bedtime routine.

It goes something like this.
P: I don't want to go to bed.
P: I just need a sip of water, just a sip.

Me: If I get you a sip of water will you go to bed?

P: uh huh

(after sip of water)

P: Cuddle me, Cuddle me, Cuddle me (in a louder and louder voice)

  Me: ok I will cuddle you for two minutes then it is time to go to bed. (after two minutes)

P: Cuddle me longer

Me: P it is time to go to bed

. P: Stands up and SCREAMS until she finally wears her self out and goes to sleep.

I love being her mother, sometimes I just don't know how to help her transition. She is such a sweet spirit and such an incredible big sister to her little brother.

That is all for today,

Amanda

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I personally would love a new washer or dryer as mine are at least 15 years old....

WOW

How Time flies.... I don't think anybody reads my blog anyway, but I thought it was time to get back to it. Our sweet sweet Princess is about to be five months old! She is such a blessing! We do plan to have more kids so I decided to make a list of my favorite things and the things we didn't really need!

LOVED:
Pack-N-Play-C.hicco
The Swing just don't order it from Wal.Mart online!!
Swaddle Blankets

DIDN'T NEED:
B.umbo


I will add more later as I can think of them

We are pregnant......15 weeks and 4 days to be exact

I can't believe we have made it out of the first trimester. All the thanks has to go straight up to God, We are having a baby. WOW. It has been different this time around with the first two we told everyone right away, this time well I am about to be 16 weeks and am just now sharing. I have been so sick, but I won't complain if it means that I am going to have a healthy baby I will throw up everyday with a smile on my face. We have heard the heartbeat four times now most recently this past Friday. We are both just so excited and so thankful that God answered our prayers!

I want it too...

Once again it has been awhile, I don't know why I don't write on here more often maybe it is perhaps I am afaid of being judged, but in all honesty I am not caring about that any more. I need to get my feelings out. In so many ways I am so blessed and I remind myself of these things everyday. I have a wonderful husband, and great family, good friends, a job, and above all an AMAZING GOD.

BUT

I struggle still on a daily basis with losing my baby, yes it has been over a year, yes I was early in pregnancy, but until you have been there don't judge. You don't know the pain the heartache. My heart breaks for everyone out there who has suffered a loss the pain is almost unbearable, how anyone could do it with out God is unknown to me.

Today started out great, wonderful morning with my husband, then I went with my MIL to ho.bby l.obby and I guess I saw one too many pregnant people there. It comes in waves I will be doing so good and then have a bad day and well today my emotions were everywhere. What most people don't understand is I am so happy for every pregnant person I know and everyone I see, truly happy to the depth of my core, but I want it too!! is that so much to ask for? I know God has a perfect timing and I feel that timing is close and I strongly dislike me being so envious of all the bumps I see. So ball all that up and you get a load of fun. I can't wait to have a little Wyatt or Paisley but I am waiting on you Lord, your perfect timing, please make it soon....

Will I ever be "HER" again?

Will I ever be blissfully innocent, not knowing what deep pain it is to lose.

Will I ever get to be pregnant again without worry, will I ever get to enjoy the first trimester and the morning sickness.

Will I ever get to watch an sonogram with out thinking, Dear God, please let there be a heart beat.

Will I ever make it to 20weeks and find out if it is a boy or a girl.

Will I ever get to watch my belly jump and get kicked in the ribs.

Will I ever feel so miserable and ready to get this baby out of me.

Will I ever get to deliver a beautiful baby and hold it in my arms.

Will I ever get to raise a child that I held in my womb for nine months.

Will a day ever go by without me thinking of the two I lost.

Will a day pass that I don't think about anything baby.

Will I ever be back to me, with no worries or cares.

I think the new me is here to stay. The battle scars across my heart may fade but they will never go away. Those of you who are pregnant or have children cherish it; each kick in the ribs, each trip to the bathroom, each late night feeding. Know that a baby is a miracle. I know and believe that God will give me a child, I know he will give me the desires of me heart. I know that he is an AWESOME GOD, and I know that he is in control of everything. I also know that he gave me a wonderful man to stand beside me the rest of my life and be my strength when I have none. To be my comforter and my rock. Thank you God for him, thank you for this day, thank you for watching over me, and thank you for my future children! I love you Lord!

<3 Amanda

Make an ovulation ticker

We now have to take a break from trying, it is obviously just not God's timing...hopefully we will resume in a few months, once somethings get straightened out....I will write more about that when I have more courage

God Bless,
Amanda