RAGE.........

I will be honest I still have my good days and well um my bad days... As crazy as I may sound I have to come clean with myself.


WHY WHY WHY

Why did we have to go through this, twice. I guess I should be so grateful I can get pregnant on my own but on the other hand my body doesn't know what to do once I am. How much does that suck, but I have to tell you a few people have made me extremely mad lately.

This girl that I know who has been married for two years, found out she was pregnant and she had the nerve to say, in front of me, that she was hoping she had cancer. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, not only does my BEST FRIEND have breast and liver cancer, I have had two miscarriages, and she would rather have cancer then be pregnant. WOW I just can't imagine thinking that way.

Another girl I know who stuggled to get pregnant is now complaining EVERYDAY that she doesn't want to get big and she doesn't want stretch marks and so on...WHAT THE CRAP she struggled to get pregnant now that she is she thinks what that it is ok to be selfish.

I would give anything to be pregnant still, I would be about 21-22 weeks hmm finding out if it is a boy or a girl.

I will say that having the miscarriage brought my family closer together, it made me more aware how important family is, how lucky I am to have my brothers, it brought me and my husband so much closer together, it made both of us realize what we want in life, it makes us more sensitive to life and just realize how grateful we are to have each other. Although it is hard I know God has a purpose and a plan, and we can't wait to start trying again...

When you may wonder, well we are thinking maybe after my May cycle, we think we are ready but definately taking it day by day. I go back to the doctor end of April or begining of May for a check up then we will also talk about how we are going to approach this next pregnancy. I have to take progesterone shots in the hip AS SOON AS I FIND OUT I AM PREGNANT, so I want to ask her if she is going to go ahead and write us a prescription or if she will call it in the day we find out, or how she plans on preceding. With the next one we will have a lot of early apts. to make sure that our little bean is growing properly and my hormones are rising like they should. Please keep us in your prayers...I haven't decided when we are going to tell people this time, I go back and forth so well we will see.

I know God is forever faithful and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, and I am thankful for everything that I have learned. Please keep David and I in your prayers. And please continue to pray for Misty her cancer is responding well to chemo she has another PET scan to see if it has shrank anymore on the 17th so hopefully it will....O and her wedding is the 21st YAY I can't wait.

Well until next time...
Much love to all

Amanda Wilson