Monday, March 23, 2009
MOVING ON....
I am so sick of these hard days, I am sick of being sad, sick of wondering when it will be my turn. I feel so depleted, so empty, I have no energy left. It takes my all to wake up every morning and put a smile on my face. I have a wonderful husband who lets me be sad, who trys to understand my feelings and talks to me about our baby and when to try again. I feel so guilty for being sad, I think to myself how lucky I am to be able to get pregnant on my own, to think that is may be as easy as getting a shot in the hip everyday, but then I think about the loss, can I make it through this again? David worries about the baby and about me, he is scared to try because he doesn't want anything to happen to me.... we have given this to God and we know he is here beside us! I read this bible verse earlier and it really struck me.
"But these things I plan won't happen right away.
Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place.
It will not be late by a single day."
~ Habakkuk 2:3
God has a plan for David and I, a plan for us to have a baby...lots of them we just have to wait on his timing....
We feel we want to start trying again in May so please keep us in your prayers!
IN OTHER NEWS: I think we may be moving, from our one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom duplex. We are not quite ready for a house at this point but a duplex sounds perfect for us at this crossroad in our life. It is big enough for both of our dogs and has an extra room, which we are already calling the baby room!! If we get it we would move in around the end of April! I am really excited about that, we outgrew this apartment the day we moved in, so please be praying for us!
God Bless You and Keep You Safe
"But these things I plan won't happen right away.
Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place.
It will not be late by a single day."
~ Habakkuk 2:3
God has a plan for David and I, a plan for us to have a baby...lots of them we just have to wait on his timing....
We feel we want to start trying again in May so please keep us in your prayers!
IN OTHER NEWS: I think we may be moving, from our one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom duplex. We are not quite ready for a house at this point but a duplex sounds perfect for us at this crossroad in our life. It is big enough for both of our dogs and has an extra room, which we are already calling the baby room!! If we get it we would move in around the end of April! I am really excited about that, we outgrew this apartment the day we moved in, so please be praying for us!
God Bless You and Keep You Safe
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hmmmm......
WHAT IS THE DEAL MEDICAL CITY?
THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO WORK WHEN I GRADUATE, IT IS WHERE I WORK CURRENTLY. SO WHAT IS THERE DEAL, ACCTUALLY IT IS ONE WOMAN'S DEAL BUT STILL. I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW AND WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT A TIME WELL A WHILE BACK, I HAVE EMAILED HER, OCCASIONALLY REMINDING HER I STILL NEEDED A TIME, WELL LATELY IT HAS BEEN ALMOST DAILY, AND STILL AM YET TO HAVE ONE! I ALREADY DID MY APPLICATION AND MY GALLOP SURVEY, SO WHAT IS THE DEAL. CALL ME CRAZY BUT I HAVE NOT APPLIED ANYWHERE ELSE BECAUSE I WAS COUNTING ON THIS, GUESSS I SHOULD SEE WHAT ELSE IS STILL OUT THERE, I JUST DON'T SEE WHAT THE DEAL IS! WELL I WILL KEEP UPDATED HOPEFULLY SHE WILL EMAIL ME BACK BY THE END OF TODAY, I ALSO EMAILED MY BOSS TO SEE IS SHE CAN GET ME IN CONTACT WITH THE FLOOR MANAGER, MAYBE TO GET AN INTERVIEW THAT WAY. WISH ME LUCK AND SAY A PRAYER FOR ME! <-I KNOW IT ISN'T A BIG DEAL TO THAT LADY BUT THIS IS MY FUTURE
THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO WORK WHEN I GRADUATE, IT IS WHERE I WORK CURRENTLY. SO WHAT IS THERE DEAL, ACCTUALLY IT IS ONE WOMAN'S DEAL BUT STILL. I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW AND WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT A TIME WELL A WHILE BACK, I HAVE EMAILED HER, OCCASIONALLY REMINDING HER I STILL NEEDED A TIME, WELL LATELY IT HAS BEEN ALMOST DAILY, AND STILL AM YET TO HAVE ONE! I ALREADY DID MY APPLICATION AND MY GALLOP SURVEY, SO WHAT IS THE DEAL. CALL ME CRAZY BUT I HAVE NOT APPLIED ANYWHERE ELSE BECAUSE I WAS COUNTING ON THIS, GUESSS I SHOULD SEE WHAT ELSE IS STILL OUT THERE, I JUST DON'T SEE WHAT THE DEAL IS! WELL I WILL KEEP UPDATED HOPEFULLY SHE WILL EMAIL ME BACK BY THE END OF TODAY, I ALSO EMAILED MY BOSS TO SEE IS SHE CAN GET ME IN CONTACT WITH THE FLOOR MANAGER, MAYBE TO GET AN INTERVIEW THAT WAY. WISH ME LUCK AND SAY A PRAYER FOR ME! <-I KNOW IT ISN'T A BIG DEAL TO THAT LADY BUT THIS IS MY FUTURE
Thursday, March 12, 2009
RAGE.........
I will be honest I still have my good days and well um my bad days... As crazy as I may sound I have to come clean with myself.
WHY WHY WHY
Why did we have to go through this, twice. I guess I should be so grateful I can get pregnant on my own but on the other hand my body doesn't know what to do once I am. How much does that suck, but I have to tell you a few people have made me extremely mad lately.
This girl that I know who has been married for two years, found out she was pregnant and she had the nerve to say, in front of me, that she was hoping she had cancer. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, not only does my BEST FRIEND have breast and liver cancer, I have had two miscarriages, and she would rather have cancer then be pregnant. WOW I just can't imagine thinking that way.
Another girl I know who stuggled to get pregnant is now complaining EVERYDAY that she doesn't want to get big and she doesn't want stretch marks and so on...WHAT THE CRAP she struggled to get pregnant now that she is she thinks what that it is ok to be selfish.
I would give anything to be pregnant still, I would be about 21-22 weeks hmm finding out if it is a boy or a girl.
I will say that having the miscarriage brought my family closer together, it made me more aware how important family is, how lucky I am to have my brothers, it brought me and my husband so much closer together, it made both of us realize what we want in life, it makes us more sensitive to life and just realize how grateful we are to have each other. Although it is hard I know God has a purpose and a plan, and we can't wait to start trying again...
When you may wonder, well we are thinking maybe after my May cycle, we think we are ready but definately taking it day by day. I go back to the doctor end of April or begining of May for a check up then we will also talk about how we are going to approach this next pregnancy. I have to take progesterone shots in the hip AS SOON AS I FIND OUT I AM PREGNANT, so I want to ask her if she is going to go ahead and write us a prescription or if she will call it in the day we find out, or how she plans on preceding. With the next one we will have a lot of early apts. to make sure that our little bean is growing properly and my hormones are rising like they should. Please keep us in your prayers...I haven't decided when we are going to tell people this time, I go back and forth so well we will see.
I know God is forever faithful and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, and I am thankful for everything that I have learned. Please keep David and I in your prayers. And please continue to pray for Misty her cancer is responding well to chemo she has another PET scan to see if it has shrank anymore on the 17th so hopefully it will....O and her wedding is the 21st YAY I can't wait.
Well until next time...
Much love to all
Amanda Wilson
WHY WHY WHY
Why did we have to go through this, twice. I guess I should be so grateful I can get pregnant on my own but on the other hand my body doesn't know what to do once I am. How much does that suck, but I have to tell you a few people have made me extremely mad lately.
This girl that I know who has been married for two years, found out she was pregnant and she had the nerve to say, in front of me, that she was hoping she had cancer. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, not only does my BEST FRIEND have breast and liver cancer, I have had two miscarriages, and she would rather have cancer then be pregnant. WOW I just can't imagine thinking that way.
Another girl I know who stuggled to get pregnant is now complaining EVERYDAY that she doesn't want to get big and she doesn't want stretch marks and so on...WHAT THE CRAP she struggled to get pregnant now that she is she thinks what that it is ok to be selfish.
I would give anything to be pregnant still, I would be about 21-22 weeks hmm finding out if it is a boy or a girl.
I will say that having the miscarriage brought my family closer together, it made me more aware how important family is, how lucky I am to have my brothers, it brought me and my husband so much closer together, it made both of us realize what we want in life, it makes us more sensitive to life and just realize how grateful we are to have each other. Although it is hard I know God has a purpose and a plan, and we can't wait to start trying again...
When you may wonder, well we are thinking maybe after my May cycle, we think we are ready but definately taking it day by day. I go back to the doctor end of April or begining of May for a check up then we will also talk about how we are going to approach this next pregnancy. I have to take progesterone shots in the hip AS SOON AS I FIND OUT I AM PREGNANT, so I want to ask her if she is going to go ahead and write us a prescription or if she will call it in the day we find out, or how she plans on preceding. With the next one we will have a lot of early apts. to make sure that our little bean is growing properly and my hormones are rising like they should. Please keep us in your prayers...I haven't decided when we are going to tell people this time, I go back and forth so well we will see.
I know God is forever faithful and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, and I am thankful for everything that I have learned. Please keep David and I in your prayers. And please continue to pray for Misty her cancer is responding well to chemo she has another PET scan to see if it has shrank anymore on the 17th so hopefully it will....O and her wedding is the 21st YAY I can't wait.
Well until next time...
Much love to all
Amanda Wilson
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