Thoughts

Monday we went to the doctor for a routine visit, when they did the sonogram they could not find a heartbeat. So on Wednesday we had a D&C, since this is our second miscarriage we start test in February to figure out what is going on. It is the most frightening thing to me, although I hope they find something that is easily fixable. Please continue to read the blog, this is where I plan to share my feelings and what is going on with the tests.


TWO POSITIVES: One we know I get pregnant easily, Two the doctors says my anatomy is perfect, now just to figure out what is goin on.


Why do people who don't deserve kids have them and those who would be great parents struggle? I wonder what God's plan is for us, I know he has one and I know he sees the big picture, but I struggle understanding how us going through two miscarriages is part of that, although I know he does. Baby one left so early that we never saw it on an ultrasound so it wasn't as hard but baby two we saw it, we saw the heartbeat, the little legs, and arms, the little face, we saw it Monday, how much it had grown before its heart stopped beating, I saw my little bean just sitting there, it is the hardest thing I have ever been through. People say o you will be ok, just worry about getting you better. Do they not understand, do they not know how bad it hurts to know that your own body is not allowing a baby to grow, that it is your bodies fault. I am so scared to ever try again, we will I know after they run all the test in February. But what if we have another one, will I be able to recover? I am already a mom and David a dad, we will always be, we have two angels in heaven. And when we do have a baby trust me we will know what a true blessing they are, we will know what a gift from god they are, how lucky you are to have a healthy baby. So those of you who have them be so grateful, and please show them all the love in the world. Raise them right in the word of God because without it life is almost unbearable. The verse David and I keep repeating is: Be Strong and Courageous, Do not be Afraid of them, for the Lord You God will never Leave you, nor Forsake you.