Thoughts

Monday we went to the doctor for a routine visit, when they did the sonogram they could not find a heartbeat. So on Wednesday we had a D&C, since this is our second miscarriage we start test in February to figure out what is going on. It is the most frightening thing to me, although I hope they find something that is easily fixable. Please continue to read the blog, this is where I plan to share my feelings and what is going on with the tests.


TWO POSITIVES: One we know I get pregnant easily, Two the doctors says my anatomy is perfect, now just to figure out what is goin on.


Why do people who don't deserve kids have them and those who would be great parents struggle? I wonder what God's plan is for us, I know he has one and I know he sees the big picture, but I struggle understanding how us going through two miscarriages is part of that, although I know he does. Baby one left so early that we never saw it on an ultrasound so it wasn't as hard but baby two we saw it, we saw the heartbeat, the little legs, and arms, the little face, we saw it Monday, how much it had grown before its heart stopped beating, I saw my little bean just sitting there, it is the hardest thing I have ever been through. People say o you will be ok, just worry about getting you better. Do they not understand, do they not know how bad it hurts to know that your own body is not allowing a baby to grow, that it is your bodies fault. I am so scared to ever try again, we will I know after they run all the test in February. But what if we have another one, will I be able to recover? I am already a mom and David a dad, we will always be, we have two angels in heaven. And when we do have a baby trust me we will know what a true blessing they are, we will know what a gift from god they are, how lucky you are to have a healthy baby. So those of you who have them be so grateful, and please show them all the love in the world. Raise them right in the word of God because without it life is almost unbearable. The verse David and I keep repeating is: Be Strong and Courageous, Do not be Afraid of them, for the Lord You God will never Leave you, nor Forsake you.

YAY, CHRISTMAS BREAK

So I am officially done with all of my finals!!! I can finally relax and spend some more time with my family and friends! and enjoy CHRISTMAS

Study, Study, Study

I feel like all I do is study, which is true and will continue to be true for the next week, then awe christmas break, where I can enjoy taking a break!! I am so excited that the pregnancy is going so well, no morning sickness just get really nauseated in the evening, and I am so pleased to be getting close to the end of the first trimester only 4 weeks until I am there! It is such a roller coaster ride right now trying to figure out what to do about either staying in the apartment or finding a house, planning everything for the baby, and Christmas! but I wouldn't change it for anything. David and I are enjoying the pregnancy and can't wait to find out if it is going to be Wyatt or Audrey! Well off to study for Adult Health final tomorrow, I wll keep you updated, we go back to the doctor on the 15th!

Hmmm....

about 3 weeks when we found out


7 weeks

I was just sitting here, trying to study and clean, actually I am getting a lot done, but I just wanted to take a moment and think about my little bean. My mind is always going ninty to nothing now thinking about the bean, trying to concentrate on school, and keeping up the house. I wonder if it will be a girl or a boy? Either way as long as it is healthy is more than fine with me! Will they have lots of hair like david and I did, I sure hope so, what will they look like. It is all so amazing to me, I am enjoying this every step of the way and am so excited to think that every hour of every day I have life growing inside of me!

Here is a picture of my belly from when we found out and yesterday at 7 weeks, it is definately expanding fast, but I don't have much room between my ribs and hips for the bean to grow so the only way left is out!!

Heart Beat

Well we went to the doctor today todo a sonogram to make sure everything is progressing like it should be, as soon as I layed down on the table I started crying, this has been a really difficult week in this household, Monday I was told my level were not rising like they should, Monday night I was told one of my best friends has cancer, Tuesday my car broke down. Anyway back to the story, so I layed down and started crying I was so worried that when they looked they wouldn't see anything and they would tell me I was going to have another miscarriage. At first I didn't see anything I could tell that the sac was bigger, but then it came into focus and we saw the most amazing thing, our baby, the yolk sac, and the heartbeating. It was so amazing and wonderful, and it lets you know how amazing God is. He has blessed us with this little bean! I am so grateful for all of the praying everyone has done this week, I believe God answers prayers!

So our Due date is........................July 18th!!!





As for my wonderful friend, please keep her in your prayers, and I pray that God gives her strength and peace everyday. I pray God is with her doctors and shows them what to do, I pray God is with her little one who is about to be 2 months, with her fiance, with her family, with her friends. She is so wonderful and I am so thankful God put her in my life!! I love you Misty!!

God

Just wanted to make one more post for the day;

I just wanted to say how amazing God is, I know that he is in control and that whatever comes out of Friday it is his amazing will, he never makes a mistake and although we don't always see it he knows the big picture!

He is amazing and I have such a peace about everything that is going on, now that I have realized (once again) that God is in Control....

Plus I have amazing friends and family to help support us!


O one more thing F.Y.I. if someone gets bad news such as slow rising HCG levels, don't tell them that maybe they should use protection until they graduate Nursing school, and maybe next time you should keep the pregnancy to yourself until you hit 12 weeks.

I will have you know I wouldn't change it at all, and if for some reason I do lose this baby (I am thinking positive), next time I will tell everyone again as soon as I find out!

We're Pregnant

I decided I really liked this blog thing, so I thought that we would do it. I think it is a fun way to share the feelings of worry, happiness, and whatever else might come along the way.

We are pregnant, not really sure on the dates, but that is another story.

It is a scary time right now, because the HCG levels are not rising as quickly as they should and the doctor informed us that we have a 85% chance of having a miscarriage. Even if that happens I will continue the blog, to help deal with the pain, if the 15% comes true then I will continue, either way it is definately a journey.

We go Friday for an ultrasound to see if the baby is progressing or if it is most likely going to miscarry, please keep us in your prayers!