We are pregnant......15 weeks and 4 days to be exact

I can't believe we have made it out of the first trimester. All the thanks has to go straight up to God, We are having a baby. WOW. It has been different this time around with the first two we told everyone right away, this time well I am about to be 16 weeks and am just now sharing. I have been so sick, but I won't complain if it means that I am going to have a healthy baby I will throw up everyday with a smile on my face. We have heard the heartbeat four times now most recently this past Friday. We are both just so excited and so thankful that God answered our prayers!

I want it too...

Once again it has been awhile, I don't know why I don't write on here more often maybe it is perhaps I am afaid of being judged, but in all honesty I am not caring about that any more. I need to get my feelings out. In so many ways I am so blessed and I remind myself of these things everyday. I have a wonderful husband, and great family, good friends, a job, and above all an AMAZING GOD.

BUT

I struggle still on a daily basis with losing my baby, yes it has been over a year, yes I was early in pregnancy, but until you have been there don't judge. You don't know the pain the heartache. My heart breaks for everyone out there who has suffered a loss the pain is almost unbearable, how anyone could do it with out God is unknown to me.

Today started out great, wonderful morning with my husband, then I went with my MIL to ho.bby l.obby and I guess I saw one too many pregnant people there. It comes in waves I will be doing so good and then have a bad day and well today my emotions were everywhere. What most people don't understand is I am so happy for every pregnant person I know and everyone I see, truly happy to the depth of my core, but I want it too!! is that so much to ask for? I know God has a perfect timing and I feel that timing is close and I strongly dislike me being so envious of all the bumps I see. So ball all that up and you get a load of fun. I can't wait to have a little Wyatt or Paisley but I am waiting on you Lord, your perfect timing, please make it soon....

Will I ever be "HER" again?

Will I ever be blissfully innocent, not knowing what deep pain it is to lose.

Will I ever get to be pregnant again without worry, will I ever get to enjoy the first trimester and the morning sickness.

Will I ever get to watch an sonogram with out thinking, Dear God, please let there be a heart beat.

Will I ever make it to 20weeks and find out if it is a boy or a girl.

Will I ever get to watch my belly jump and get kicked in the ribs.

Will I ever feel so miserable and ready to get this baby out of me.

Will I ever get to deliver a beautiful baby and hold it in my arms.

Will I ever get to raise a child that I held in my womb for nine months.

Will a day ever go by without me thinking of the two I lost.

Will a day pass that I don't think about anything baby.

Will I ever be back to me, with no worries or cares.

I think the new me is here to stay. The battle scars across my heart may fade but they will never go away. Those of you who are pregnant or have children cherish it; each kick in the ribs, each trip to the bathroom, each late night feeding. Know that a baby is a miracle. I know and believe that God will give me a child, I know he will give me the desires of me heart. I know that he is an AWESOME GOD, and I know that he is in control of everything. I also know that he gave me a wonderful man to stand beside me the rest of my life and be my strength when I have none. To be my comforter and my rock. Thank you God for him, thank you for this day, thank you for watching over me, and thank you for my future children! I love you Lord!

<3 Amanda

Make an ovulation ticker

We now have to take a break from trying, it is obviously just not God's timing...hopefully we will resume in a few months, once somethings get straightened out....I will write more about that when I have more courage

God Bless,
Amanda

YAY

So much is going on I am so excited, first we are all moved and are almost all settled, second I am done with Nursing school just have to take NCLEX....,but most exciting news is we are going to start trying again. We want to keep it somewhat hush hush so I can only write it on here for now!! We are scared and nervous but confident and calm!! So please be praying for us

Well tomorrow is the first baby's due date

I really didn't think this one was going to be too hard since I lost the baby really early, but boy was I wrong. What was I thinking signing up to work tomorrow I should have known my heart better. As this days continues and tomorrow grows closesr, I think of all the lost dreams, all that this baby will never have and never get to do. I know that this little one is in heaven and I firmly believe that, but at the same time I still feel saddened that I didn't get to have this little one here on earth. I can imagine how the second ones due date is going to hurt, I do not plan on going anywhere July 18th. Well I guess we will see how tomorrow goes, please keep David and I in your prayers, as we may be starting to try again soon.

God Bless

WOOHOO

I JUST GOT SOME GREAT NEWS!!! I GOT THE JOB/INTERNSHIP AT MEDICAL CITY AS A L&D NURSE!!